Lasts

Three years ago, my then manager retired. Rather than filling that position, they decided to have my group report to a different manager but ease that manager's load by having a team lead to do some of the day to day work. I ended up being the team lead which meant more meetings and more responsibility but no additional salary or benefits. They were also going to replace the manager position with another system administrator to expand the capacity of the group. 

At the same time, one of my co-workers took nine months of parental leave and they chose not to backfill his position. The promised extra position was slow to develop and, ultimately, my new manager also retired before it was even posted. So they decided to do a reshuffle the group again and recreate the manager's position. Of course, that happened right at the start of the pandemic. So, to save money, they didn't post that position either.

The pandemic also brought with it the switch to fully remote learning for the University. So, on top of the world wide anxiety of the time, I had backfill responsibilities for a parental leave, managerial responsibilities inherited from two retirements, and primary responsibility for the system now running all the classes. It was more than a lot but it was temporary.

My co-worker returned from leave, additional staff was hired to help with training and support for the course management system, and finally, at the end of this summer, after three years, they posted the manager position for my group. When that posting came out, most people in the department expected that I would end up getting the job, but I chose not to apply. The salary increase didn't seem worth the extra hassles.

Instead, starting this month, I have a new manager and am no longer a team lead and with that, I have gone to my last project resource meeting and my last managers meeting. I signed my last change order and approved the last time off request. I ran my last group meeting and wrote my last group summary report.

All of these lasts left me feeling sentimental? Nostalgic? Neither of those seem quite right. It's sort of the same feeling I get when I've had something stuck in my teeth but have flossed it out and my tongue still lingers on the spot searching for what's no longer there. A lingering feeling that something is still lurking waiting to be done.