Glass
The whole world is behind a wall of glass now.
My job always involved a lot of time spent staring at screens, but now every conversation involves a video call. Being able to safely do my job from the security of my home office is great. Indeed, my home office is nicer than my actual work office and I quite like not having to drive to work every day. Still, I find Zoom meetings more tiring than normal meetings which also keeps me from wanting to socialize with anyone that way. I suppose it doesn't help that the parts of my job that I liked most no longer exist. The people in the hallways, the person working at the convenience store, the staff of Henderson's, and all those small interactions with friends and colleagues that can't happen when everyone is at home. Those were the best parts of work and without them I wonder why I'm even still there. The highlight of my work day now is when one of the neighbourhood dog owner plays fetch with her dog on the lawn of the school in front of my house. The dog loves it running back and forth with a delight I only dream of as I stare out my window wanting to escape.
Travel is off the agenda for who knows how long. In April, I had booked the week after Easter off. I had planned to go to San Francisco, visit some bakeries, watch some ballet, and explore parts of the city I didn't get to the last time I went. Before I even booked flights, I knew that it wasn't going to happen, but I kept the vacation week in hopes that there would be something to do. With everything on lock down, I don't think it even qualified as a proper stay-cation. There was essentially nothing to do in the city and the weather was cool and unpleasant so I couldn't get much done in the yard. Instead, I played too many video games and watched too much YouTube.
Not that all the things I watch on YouTube are horrible trashy stuff (although there was a K-pop rabbit whole that I fell down). The Royal Opera House, New York City Ballet, and San Francisco Ballet are all putting full pieces on line temporarily in lieu of their actual performances. Some Broadway shows are being aired on Friday nights and numerous musicians are live streaming performances. Watching a show online just isn't the same as actually being there. My chair might be more comfortable and I might have all the leg room I want, but there's an exhilaration to a crowded room that can't be found at home. There's no overheard comments from the people sitting next to me, no smell of spilled red wine, no mysterious sticky spots on the floor, no new people who I want to meet or friends I haven't seen in ages.
Probably the thing I miss most is going out for dinner. While my calendar hasn't been this empty of things to do in probably a decade, I haven't always gone to everything I could, but I've pretty much always treated myself to a meal out at least once a week. I'm still doing that via take out and delivery, but it just isn't the same. The food isn't as fresh and hot nor as well presented as in an actual restaurant. As with work though, I miss the people most. Watching the bar tender mix a cocktail or chatting with the waitress or even just over hearing the conversation of the people sitting next to me at the bar.
Everywhere there are barriers. Glass walls at the grocery store and pharmacy, video calls, online ordering, or just the physical distance between people. Loud conversations across the yard or street held quickly so that we can get safely back behind our doors and windows.
Safe.
Alone.
